"Through Roaring Waves"
By Caroline Sullivan
To My Muse, Theodore, And  To  My Imaginary Friend, Ptolemy,
Who helped me Write This Book. You are loved.

The snow is beating hard and fast
A cat creeps out into the silent snow
Her feet padding holes into the snow
And disappears as quietly as she came
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"The Lost Children"
Some Lost Children of the night
Are wandering without sound
From under the dark doorways of the poor
They're creeping out hand in hand
Soft nests of brown tuft tucked under
And in their eyes is a hunger
They creep into the night on the back of the dragon
That carries them softly into the city
The lights are lit with low somnolent rumour
And ghosts prowl the sides of the lonely streets
Without purpose they wander because they are not
And little ones nesting wait with eager hearts
Until the great palace chants beating, beating
The drums crying for human sacrifice
Blood pulses in the ears where the people chant
Dancing with rhythmical movements
And the warriors vie for the onlookers
And I cannot help but feel afraid
If I am an ancient queen
And the Nile carries me further away
What will the dancers do to me
Should I reveal that I am afraid
But they are not afraid, no they are angry
As they pound their feet and lean forward
All lost, all lost I watch them
I'm holding your little hand
Holding it safe inside of my own
Because you are more important than the world
And suddenly the horns ring out
Like angels in long white robes
Then gifts are lain at the children's feet
They throw toys at their feet as they sing hymns
The children watch silently with big surprised eyes
And listen to the eerie and beautiful singing
They are served pillowy warm fried cakes
And while they eat, there is dancing
The boy cries out excited with joy
And the girl listens quietly
They creep back into the night in the dark
On the back of their trusty dragon
And fishbowls of light glimmer on the shores
Of the waters that mark the way home
If beggars come softly to your door
Then turn them not away
Feed them pillowy fried cakes and dance
And throw toys at their feet and sing
For verily this is Christmas Day
And this is the meaning of Christmas
To eat and be merry and give
And to love one another
To do unto one another
As you would have them do unto you
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
"Your hand"
When I came in to bed tonight
Your hand was stretched across my pillow
And you were deep in sleep
The span of your fingers marks all things
The distance between two points
The reasons I cry on my birthday
And the one Christmas gift you never put down
The reasons some people never get to be happy
And why young children cry
All hope for you in your heart
Was the distance between your fingers
Like dolphins curbing the ivory coast
Or flowers alight in your hair
Your beauty was born of briefness
That I will not always be there
The pain in your outstretched arms
Encompassed for me all of life's meaning
It's sleeping in the flames like a puppy
It's underneath the snow
It's when you are most afraid
That you get the closest to it
And things that are hidden in packages
And things that are too late to be learned
Things lost without an answer
And things that will never be found
"Oh Wife," your fingers whispered
As I pulled back the covers
No more to be your protector
But many leagues till then
Let's take what we are given
And enjoy that which we have
Your long, tapered fingers tell everything
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Oh light without a second hope
And light without an answer
Oh light with nowhere to escape to
And light with nothing to do
Oh innocent beings that suffer
And people without a home
Why is God's child crying
Why is someone all alone
Why has God forsaken someone
Who tried so hard to praise him
What if that one praises him still
Oh, won't that shake the rafters
What if he finds meaning in all the chaos
What if he finds a way through
What if there's hope in the silence
What will hell's borders do
What if the answer he sought
Is within some little flower
What if there's hope in the future
What if he finds some magic power
What if God comes to comfort him
In his Island of despair
Will the powers that Be, be shaken then
Will that which takes despair
Will he find his way through night and day
To the ivory coast of the shore
Sometimes living's not the highest gift
Sometimes there are more important powers
So when you hear of this prisoner
Wish upon a star for him
He's carrying the cross of Christ
And some hairpins and candy
What then, Oh Lord
Will you deliver our helpless soldier
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Under the stars, the still white stars
Our hero is alone tonight
All swallowed up in the doom of all things
He endures like a little dandelion
With nothing there to protect him
He pines away with his conscience
Alone and without comfort
It's a terrible way to go
And if there is anyone to help him
His help must come from afar
The lights in the sky that guide this child
The shining of the stars
Don't you know his dreams are sweet
And his nights must be so long
The hero with the courage to try
And the little voice that comforts him
What hope is there for He?

Softly brushed onto low-hanging boughs of fir
The snow hangs heavy like fresh biscuits
And the dark cool green of the trees are thinking
Beneath them, sorting out the problem of the snow
That holds their fragile needles down
The sun is high and piercing in a blank blue sky
The snow has already fallen in the night
One can pad out in the snow with tender feet
And it creaks like a rocker under a grandmother's weight
The trees drinking the cold icewater from beneath
And one must struggle to breathe in
It is so still in the pine forest
Inside the cabin there are oranges scattered on a wooden table
And you can walk back inside and shut the door softly
While the heat surrounds you and takes off your coat
You peel an orange all in one peeling in a spiral
And lay your crocheted hat down on the table beside the oranges
And warm yourself to the heater that makes the electric buzz
And look at a magazine that takes you faraway
The bed is made up in the corner with a blue, white and red quilt
And your boots are laying against the side of it
Corner pulled back to show a soft set of sheets
And the refrigerator is full of salami and cheese
There is a photogeraph of someone expected for Christmas
And a radio beside your bed
You take off your clothes and crawl into bed
And turn on the radio and listen to the oldies
And stare off into space
Hugging yourself to yourself and thinking
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

'Listening"
A Cathedral lying gently in the snow
Of a long, dark and cold night
Inside, there is a lady praying
She repeats the words over and over
With her hands folded softly together
The winter night swirls on and on
But she is still praying to herself
She rises and silently leaves
Walking through the snow to get home
The snow piles up against the door
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

In hope a light that saves the drowning
The light at the edge of the dawn
Troubles must pass eventually
The storm must settle down
That hell through which you navigate
Will be overcome eventually
And for your deeds to those you meet
May you inherit eternity
I sent you hope in a letter once
I sealed it with a prayer
The storm blows on but it endures
I'm writing you yet another
Clash of kingdoms and pride of lords
All Gods requiring obeisance
But as for us, we will be safe here
We will not pray to anyone
Sustained by the life forces of time
There will be safety here
And you shall have a hobby horse
And a place to lie your head
Of misfortunes there are many still
They cry from across the door
Yet safe are you and I my child
We'll eat sandwiches together
Physical beauty is overrated
And so is success and fame
Intelligence is overrated too
And I often walk alone
When the Gods swear revenge on you
Just smile and walk on
Revenge and jealousy are thorns to me
But still I endure and continue
Heads bowed with suffering, we walk on
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

Where waters flow in darkness there is light
Where the adult child lays forsaken by God
Where the discouraged are knocked down yet again
Where there is hardship, there is light
In the forsaken, meaning
And in things forgotten, eternity
The waters that feed the land are feeding us all
And through the black storm, a light
Through oppression, deliverance
And through torture, the startling clearness of revelation
When one door closes, another opens
And that which is most forsaken wins
The world lays still under the stars
Waiting for a sign from heaven
In my heart, a blizzard blows on and on
Day after day the snow falls in darkness
And forms press into and out of it
Speaking with me as friends
I listen and I learn things about them
About struggles and the rules of the rulers
I learn about pain when they torture me
And when they bring gifts I am grateful
Beyond them the waters are flowing through the dark
With a steadiness that steadies me
All things coming or going are passing without harm
Without struggle and without evil
Once I was a beautiful girl but now I have grown old
My pain seeps into the water
It becomes part of the earth and I lose place and time
I become that which I was writing about
When I die I hope to become the things I wrote about
The still and the intricate and the cold and bright
Like snowflakes cut out of aluminum or porcelain dolls
I hope to overcome that which overcomes me
All goodness is energy that flows and unflows
It echoes in the sounds of creation
Your voice and my heart and the water and the night
All things lost and forgotten
In peace the hope that lives on unrelinquished
In hope the final answer
The vagabond that wanders through the desert forever
Is calling me by the name
I follow the star that wanders without settling on anything
And that which expects nothing of me
Just peace that falls like the endless chain of being
And destiny that leads me there
All wandering without form the nameless hunters
That hunt without wanting to heal
Are thirsty for blood that is not their own
But you and I will not be there
May we be undestroyed when the fever sets in
May we overcome that which overcomes
May the forsaken be raised and the prosperous thrown down
May the little crawl out from the corn
May that which had nothing have something at last
And may nothing be killed or tortured
List listen to the voice of the wind that blows
And in that find sustenance and peace
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"Godless Faith"
When I look out across the water I see a truth
A truth that has no face or name
It's glowing in the night and all around
And I hear it in the blowing of the wind
And the steam that leaves my mouth it endures
Bringing answers from far across the dark and light
Like rivers without purpose it flows in the night
Like plants that grow through tillage or fairies in the night
Like kittens learning to fend for themselves
Or people without a God in things they cannot understand
Whispering words of hope to the lost and downtrodden
And it has no face and no name
I continue on in my little life with hope
Where there is no hope yet still I hope on
And Gods will fall and rise but I
I will endure with this all-enduring spirit
Telling me everything is going to be okay
Some people belong to primordial forces
Some people know who they are
I'll follow my truth into the blue mountains
And hide there with all the happiness I've found
I'll keep it in my heart like origami
And brush the earth without a sound
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

The lights glow on in the green-black night
The trees tall and vigilant like knights in shining armor
You just stand there and feel the night tingling against your skin
And the insects cry out in anger under the low-hanging moon
Long nights have I journeyed to your weary shores
And now here I must crash down at your feet
You live and you try and you fall down and die
The pennies that you earned are scattered on the wind
All that's gained is suddenly lost again
And what you worked so hard to win is lost
But in your grief I find a meaning that is substantial
And crashing waves rush ahead for your victory
They take back the part of you that was lost
They take it back into the dark and lonesome eternity
It's lost and no one can get it back again
But there's meaning in the tears that are shed
Maybe we must suffer to go home again
Maybe suffering is necessary to the returning
I fell down at your feet and asked for mercy
I didn't know what you would do
You smiled and told me to get up and help you
And I did it without fear
We'll go on this way a million miles
A million miles and eternity
Let's get lost in eternity
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
I hope you wear galoshes and chase your dragon
That there is always somewhere warm to go afterwards
I hope you find the answer to your geometry problem
And that your flaws are their own grace
I hope you understand love and physical forces
Like a weaving that follow seamlessly together
A cloth that weave themselves in and out
Or a winding road that leads you all the way home
I hope there's always enough of everything
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"Love One Another"
And when I'm finally tired and lost
And my legs and body have failed me
When there's nothing left to go on
When we run out of luck at last
I guess we'll dry up like leaves in the chaff
I guess we'll die in pain
Perhaps there is no answer to that question
Perhaps I'll never see you again
To kill that which cries is what they do
And It's a better way to go at last
You cry and fight for the one you love
And you do it till it kills you
Sometimes death is the only way out
Sometimes you're trapped and have no way out
I dearly hope you cry your little heart out
I pray you cry until they finally kill you
There is only so much we can do to fight evil
Sometimes it is the purity of heart that wins
The purity of simple broken tears that fall
The tears that save the world
When terrible is too cruel to understand it
Just return it by being too kind
Kindness and love really are the way out of life
They really are the answer to all this suffering
Love and Kindness are the answer to cheese fries and tv
And walking in the rain and working to provide
Because aliens wander that lonesome galaxy on and on
Yet they aren't getting any closer to what they seek
The answer to that question wasn't anything of geometry
It wasn't in connecting one point to another
The answer wasn't in fuel tanks or provisions or staying warm
Though those things are sweet to the soul
The answer wasn't in wandering or fighting or eating gourmet food
It wasn't in money under the Christmas tree
It wasn't in fancy cars or a clean doctor's bill
It wasn't in being warm or having a place to go
The answer's symbolized briefly in the Christ Child
And it is felt most strongly at Christmas
It's when people sacrifice their needs for one another
When people give what they have to their friends
In smiles and greetings and second chances and forgiveness
In having fun and dancing and sharing secrets together
The answer is in the reasons we cry
It's in the reason it hurts to be alone
It's why we feel so safe and warm when we're loved
And why our hearts break when we are unloved
Don't throw things at others, don't be cold
And give what you have to your fellow man
Be good to yourself because self-love is important too
Self-love is crucial to being happy
You can be homeless and still love yourself
You can be perfectly happy with nothing
Just to sit still and be perfectly happy
Just to smile at a pretty sunset
Life is pleasant and the sweetest smile
Comes from those with the least things
There is a freedom in being kind and giving things away
It doesn't matter how much or how little you have
To sit on the side of the road and eat chili fries
And to be grateful as anything for your warm shoes
To be grateful for whatever you have and give things away
To dance every day of your life
The world lays like an oyster waiting to be opened
And the body is capable of feeling so much pain
Don't focus on the pain just let it all go
Pain is fleeting like an April snow
Just take what you are given and partake with God
And love one another
In Jesus' Name,
Amen
Your white gloved hand tucked softly into your jacket sleeve
You and I are disabled together
When you are weary I lay down beside you
And pray God give you strength to come and play soon
I love to run and jump beside you
And listen to your stories
You tell me of things that I cannot see
And of the way of the world beyond me
Comings and goings of people who are great
You greet them with warmth and embrace them
I listen while you introduce them to me
But I rarely know what to say
The chickens in the henyard go peck, peck, peck
The crab soup on the stove boils the edge away
Little licked orange kitten goes mew, mew
Big splashy sunflowers that smile back at me
And grey chiffon and pink tulle that looks like baby clouds
There he sits among my thoughts like a crocus in the snow
And beams so brightly I bow my nose to the ground
"All hail,"  Chris chants waving fern leaves as fans
And sets the stars like little candles on tilt
I'm lucky to be part of this grand assembly
Cutting snowflakes out of crispy white paper
The great shifting dragon overhead creaks with age as he flies
Time shifts on its steadily wheeling astrolabe
The dream castle floats through time and space
On baby blue cloudpuffs that suggests another place
I listen to your stories as you take on physical agony
Yet still within your spirit remains unchanging
Those that do not believe in the afterlife
Destroy that mortal paradise that you call your home
The body that helped you realize your destiny
And all the mind that has a physical state
Yet you are you, and you are unchanging
Like a star penetrating through darkest night
The fairest of the mortals for a reason
And kind and brave and generous in heart
You followed innocence on and on through life
Through storms and leagues of pain
Endeavors of pain that threatened to capsize your little body
The catechisms of torture as they destroyed you
That little heart that beats and beats
And waters that ebb aound your feet
Ten kitties to lick you and sit in your lap
purring and gazing at you
Ten kingdoms for you to command and explore
Ten maidens as fair as a winter night
Ten horses to carry your sled through the night
Ten drummers to beat out the tribal rhythms
Ten dancers with pink ribbon wands from their hands
Ten poets to glorify your story
Ten villages to worship you
Ten wishes every day
Ten meals to fill your belly up
Ten closets of clothes to fit your whim
Ten dressmakers to design your dreams
And ten directors to direct your stories
Ten Gods to protect you from harm
Ten angels to gaurd your paths
Ten ways for you to go each choice
And ten magic powers
Al these things I wish for you

Brilliant bright snow in the light of day
The melting ice cracking and breaking
From branches that shift their weight softly
As though not to disturb the living
Puddles of melted snow form in the streets
They flow down the road and into the drain
Cold so painful, yet beautiful
Though now cold weather seems cruel
This little heater may keep you warm
Undaunted by the winds that blow
I'll bless you with it soon
Then your cheeks can glow
Oh winter that was so beautiful to me
When I never thought I would be cold
Now I look on Winter as a dangerous time
Of my little one trapped in the snow
But quiet beautiful, eerie beautiful
Cold with its biting touch
Should it drain your cheeks of their warmth
When you are out away from home
Yet just now Winter is beautiful

Some things I never got to tell you
That you have the prettiest eyes I have ever seen
That time stops whenever you walk into the room
It just stops and my heart is the only thing I can feel
You look at me and everything I do takes place according to you
If you lift a finger I want you to find peace
Whatever you want me to do, I do
If all is lost and I tumble into the sea
Then at least I will have these moments with you

The willow's fingers trail through the water
I come slowly to the window and touch the lace curtains
And sunlight warms my face as I look out onto the scene
The soft touches of grace that fringes my cheek
Will grow out slowly as time treks on
The coffeemaker chuffs steam and hot tea waits therein
A book under a blanket
Wriggling your toes with the feeling of being alive
And all things comfortable and easy
The cat is gnawing at a ball of yarn in the corner
Ducks waddle around the corner and wander off
The fringe of hair falls onto my forehead with understanding
The curtains suggest premonitions of good things to come

To live moment by moment
grateful just to be alive
to feel one's fingers moving
To be clothed and safe
To be clean and well
To be aware of the present moment
And not want any more than one already has
To dream dreams and let that be enough
To be thoughtful instead of rich
Just sit and be grateful for existence
To be grateful to be alive
Suffering is so common
People are struggling for basic necessities
What's there is there
And it's all there is
To be calm and thoughtful
In a time when little is
This is very important to happiness
In Jesus' name,
Amen

The temple foundations shuddered deeply
Cracks etched into the columns
The light within was not shaken
But the columns were struggling
The earth shook under its weight
The priest was leaving bouquets
Of herbs at the altar and smiling
He was telling God a story
About a memory of a girl he loved
The temple walls were falling but he,
he couldn't stop thinking about this girl he loved
And deeply grateful, He was praying softly
For the bounty from heaven that had brought her
He suggested that time seemed to stop when he saw her
Everything within him froze when she walked in
And that, that was the most beautiful thing about his life
Then the girl he loved entered the temple softly
And as her feet graced the floor the shaking stopped
The wind blew in her hair and he turned to face her
She walked up and kissed him near his ear
and together they took hands and walked out
The petals fell from the branches
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

 "Breakfast In Bed"
This bouquet of flowers I'll leave here for you
On a tray with a glass of milk and bread with butter
Dandelions and meadow flowers tied up in string
You're sleeping hard on your pillow
I'll open the curtains and turn on the TV
And put out your slippers
I love you very much and I'm glad you're okay
You fill my days with sunshine in so many ways

I went to the window to look for you
A beam of sunlight shone down upon me there
Like hope that everything might be okay
Or light in a time of darkness

In suffering a light that saves the drowning
In suffering the bringing of light
Through suffering we are made pure of heart
And paradise beyond
Oh, to be at the other side of this life
And to know you had done something beautiful
The time we have here is a chance to help
To help others, to help God
To plant flowers and cook meals and scrub floors
To hand out clothes to the needy
To endure suffering that many would have died
To do the best one can

"Summer Morning"
A church in the pine forest on a summer morning
Tall red and gold stained glass hangs solemnly
The early sunlight causes steam to rise
Up from the pine needle floor and into the air
The boughs of trees hang heavy in the hot air
Cicadas sing expectantly, waiting
There is noone there to pray   A pair of bluebirds color the scene
And a blackbird with a splash of red
Blackberries hang unpicked on a thorn bush
The birds are eating them and twitting
Far away, the sound of cars going down a highway
A deserted forest
The white clapboard church like the doom of all things
And the hot morning wild and savage
There is noone there to mourn and noone to pray
So anyone who enters is welcome
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"Lovers"
If you are wild a pirate will love you dearly
And he will take you on his scavaging adventures
The Pirate captain will marry you and make you his Pirate Queen
Rebelling from the government and giving to the poor
And pulling the petticoats of the rich and tipping hats to poor milkmaids
Who smile gratefully, blush and look down shyly
And the pirates go on in the night
Drinking and chasing beautiful men and women of all sorts
Falling in love with whoever they want
Eating good food and watching the shows
And dancing a jig on the government's nose
Then taking the milkmaiden out for a strawberry milkshake
And making love to her warmly on the dirt floor of the hut
Drinking milk out of a pail and watching her churn butter
The pirate captain loves to watch her work

If you are quiet and well-behaved you can love a gentle shepherd boy
If when he raps at your door for shelter, you let him in
He lays in bed like a young fawn on the grass
If you are quiet and good,then this is the one for you
But If the pirate captain comes home from a brawl and finds you
Then they both will doubtless start crying unhappy tears
And if you don't comfort them both they will get sick
So love them both in due season
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

A Whole Chicken roasted with a bouquet of fresh herbs and a lemon slice inside the cavity of the chicken to flavor the meat
Pork chops sauteed in butter with apple slices, nutmeg and cinnamon
Chicken sauteed with chopped ginger root, lemon juice and salt
Salmon baked atop cabbage with soy sauce and ginger
 served with grits boiled in chicken broth
Rice boiled in onion and broth and mixed with melted cheddar cheese
Tuna fish with mayonaise, celery, cheddar cheese and noodles
Boiled diced bellpepper with cream cheese and parmesan
Steak with soy sauce and mashed potatoes
Two loaves of bread from the market
And a bouquet of fresh flowers for you
Butter for your bread
And some of those little lace cookies
The kind that come in the box
Blueberries and peaches
And some sliced roast beef
A block of colby cheese
And a liter of coke
Some fruity candy
And a head of cabbage
Some chicken broth to boil the cabbage in
And canned tomatoes for the cabbage
Some hamburger meat to make chili
And canned beans and tomatoes and chopped onion to make the chili
Little pots of herb plants to put by the windowsill
And cakes with frosting
Someone to hold you in their arms
And eat greedily when you feed them
Someone to make the bed for
Someone who will sleep like a baby Someone who needs much
Someone with bright little eyes full of hope
Someone who loves you
In Jesus' name,
Amen

"Tenderness"
Oh tenderness was the reason for war
It was the reason for all mankind's suffering
The tears shed were shed for tenderness
And it was tenderness sleeping in the bed at home
We cry because of tenderness
And sometimes die because of tenderness
Sometimes tenderness is the only thing that keeps one going
It's what keeps the stars apart
Tenderness when you hold me while I sleep
Tenderness when I start crying from anguish
Tenderness when I contemplated suicide
And tenderness when I decided to live on for you instead
Tenderness when I crashed into bed beside you
Tenderness in taping gifts under the tree
In kisses goodbye before a long journey
In suddenly hearing you come home
What is the thing that pulls our hearts so
The ache inside when something acute has happened
What is pain and longing when noone loves you
Why do we do the things we do to ourselves
Where is God when the pain is greater than the will to live
The ache when we want to let go and slip away
Why does death offer such a final rest
When pain is an ocean to slip through
I held the weapon to myself and prayed
Prayed that I wouldn't do what I wanted to do
But most of all, I prayed that God would ease my pain
In a way that would not involve death
Prayed for tenderness to absolve my grief
Prayed for an answer, somehow, someway
I didn't know what to do with the pain anymore
Suddenly, I heard a small sweet angel's voice stop my hand
It was Ptolemy.  He had been watching me unseen
"Don't do it," he whispered in a little, frightened way
I had forgotten that he was there
Then he started crying in a broken way
Like he needed my help and didn't know what to do
Then he put his arms around me
I put down the weapon, suprised, and we kept going
We have been going ever since
What is tenderness that saved my life that day
That gave me something to live for
What pain was answered to my prayer
What creator heard me suffering
How soft my bedsheets were that night
As I lay warm and soft and grateful for my life
How glad I was to see Theodore's concerned face
When he got home that night! Oh how glad to be safe again
Oh how glad to be warm
Tenderness is the cause of so much pain
It often causes people to end their lives
It also causes the passionate ecstasy of love
And the tenderness with which we hold our beloved
It was tenderness that led me to that height
And tenderness that saved my life
It hurts to feel unloved
And feeling loved is everything
Tears and pain are a terrible thing
Oh if only there was an answer
I attribute this quality to something unseen in mortal life
To something unknown beyond the veil of death
There must be something there we mortals cannot see
That leads us to these heights of passion
Something divine, something magical
Some reason for tenderness itself
In this life we have this Key, this emotion,
This emotion to do what we will with
An emotion so powerful it moves us to do great things
To do great things with our lives
An emotion so powerful it causes wars
An emotion that keeps our homes together
An emotion that saves and kills
An emotion moving among us
The moral is that tenderness betrays
So don't trust it completely
Some passion is a temptation to the end of reason
Some passion at lengths destroys logic and opposes law
Some tenderness has the power to drive apart the oceans
To send the storms to the ships at sea
Some tenderness has the power of magic in it
Some tenderness is the source of magic
Don't trust tenderness when it leads you to kill yourself
Don't trust it when it leads you to violence
There is death in all violence
And death is the enemy of hope
Oh, tenderness when pain was too much to bear
Oh source of all the undying rivers
Oh cosmos that created us all
And left us to fend for ourselves
What magic when logic broke our hearts
When the laws of the people destroyed what we loved
What was tenderness when it led us to our destruction
When we died on the plains of war
What led us to the heights of pain
When noone understood us
Oh light and life and that which was home
Oh little one in the snow
All passion has caused our destruction
Our fighting with one another
Our wars and violence and our loves
Our loves that were so passionate
God created mankind with tenderness in us
And aliens from other planets still don't understand us
The aliens don't understand the passion within us
That is leading us to these emotional extremes
But there is hope in tenderness,
When all is lost and unanswered
Some little voice within us that calls us
Some baby Jesus lying in a manger
Some divine hope coming to us from afar
That may lead us thence from our struggles
Some answer in all the chaos
Some rapping at the door
In my case it was Ptolemy's little voice
His little voice inside my heart
It led me to not commit suicide
And continues to save my life each day
Oh, Tenderness!
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

When you and I lay wrapped warm together
In a blanket that made our bed soft
The spiders darted on branches above our heads
But nonetheless we were safe there
We lay and listened to them come and go
And we kept each other safe
We promised each other everything would be okay
And we had faith in God
The world swept on on its great axis
Yet still you and I were safe there
None to destroy, I meditated and prayed
And felt the ebbing and growing of the seasons
And every time you rubbed your eyes from sleep
I felt salvation come like a kiss
I felt my purpose in you grow and grow
And I learned to be proud of myself
Like learning to walk on a shaky bough
I learned to walk by faith in God
Until all was at peace and all was calm
And then you and I lay there together
Thanks to the stars that shine in the sky
Thanks to the changing seasons
Thanks to the power that shifts and ebbs
To the power that answers my prayers
Thanks to that which taught me to walk
Without it we would have died
I will forever be grateful to that which is God
Shining out on the waters
And when I hold you in my arms
I will know that mercy found us here
That there is hope in going on
That there is peace and sustenance in the Lord
All grateful to the God that gives
I sing the song of the fish in the sea
Undying, ever eboullient
One of God's creations in his shining Grace
One of God's children under the stars
I sing with the spiders in the trees
With that which kills and takes away
With that that gives me life
All this I sing of thee
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

"Love Story"
The little flowers by the shore
Are whispering good things about you
The baby creatures in their nests
Are smiling up at you
The little children with their bowls of dinner
Are waving at you
The people who you helped in this life
Are asking God to bless you
The little times you wandered on
With nary a help to save you
Are filling a wave that crashes your shore
And brings relief from your suffering
The good you do in this day will be
Allotted to you in the morning
And when you smile the earth smiles too
And all things lost that nuzzle you
The soup that nourishes your soul
And the child that needs a meal
Are the distance between eternity
And where you need to go
You'll find the answers that you seek
If you look for them with real longing
Dreams come to those who pray
And wishes are answered
That quest that gives you the most trouble
May become the purpose of your life
We all give good things when we are able
And when we are tired we sleep
I had a man who saw my plight and
rushed headlong into my rescue
When he saw me safely on my way
Then he grew weary and died
I was sad when he died but I moved on
Because I knew how much he had loved me
I knew that he was exhausted in spirit
I knew he needed to go back to heaven
He kissed my forehead when he died and smiled at me so warmly
He told me that he loved me always
Then they wheeled him to his death while he was smiling
And he died peacefully and happily
I know my death will come when my task is done
My task to take care of Theodore
I know I will die when I have seen him through this life
And I too will die at peace
This man's name was Ptolemy or Raphael
His actual name won't be revealed
He believed in my quest with his whole heart
And he gave his life to me
He saw me like a flower
That he trained to grow out of the ground
And when he died I was saved
I was safe to go my way
He loved me in a way that defined him
And he loved me like a purpose
He was my gaurdian angel
And protected me from danger
I owe a life debt to him
It is him that I must protect
So I will leave him flowers
Each remaining day of my life
And when I die I will join him in paradise
And he will be my husband
I miss him and I loved him
The way that the breeze blows the meadow grass
In that way, I loved him
Without trying to at all
I miss him and the joy he brought me
Made me feel ten feet tall
In Jesus' Name,
Amen